Sunrise over Machu Picchu - Chapter 3-5

[DazWizzle]

Previous parts are in the Archive or the end of last years posts.

[KatWolf]

Hi Darren

Thanks for the next instalment of Sunrise over Machu Picchu, I enjoyed reading it.

Characterisation is your forte. I love the character Leo, especially with his contrast - the stiffer Keri. A perfect team.

The images you've created of the farm house, and Jack are all very relatable.

Talk tomorrow,

Katherine

[Raymond]

Hi Darren,

Very much enjoyed the chapters. The premise is very intriguing. Also found some of the emotional beats quite moving.

Great work.

Raymond

[KaneW]

Hi Darren,

Great chapters.

My top 5 highlights:

1. the overall premise (“I’m on my death bed and you are here to give me fulfilment with my final desire”).

2. Really enjoyed the humour, e.g.,
• Hawaiian shirt, and board shorts;
• “We’re here to talk to you about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ”.

3. Leo is an engaging character.

4. The description of the Kingswood and its polished chrome was lovely.

5. The complications (e.g., “I have a feeling, that this isn’t really his final desire.”)

A couple of minor points:

A. Punctuation. You commonly use commas after action lines pre-dialogue (e.g., “Jack looked up from the computer, “And what if…””). I may be incorrect, but I understood that a full stop would be more correct.

B. Capitalisation, e.g., “google earth” to capitalise, “the Kangaroo on the front of his car” probably with the K uncapitalised, ““Just going to stretch my legs for a moment,” She said”, with the “She” is lower case.

C. Some typos – but just read Kat’s comments and she did an amazing job there.

Speak soon.

Cheers, Kane