PERILS OF THE PAST

[KaneW]

Hi all,

Thanks for the feedback from the last meeting. I've been thinking on Kat's wise comment, about the starting point.

So, I've written a new chapter 1 and the old chapter 1 is now chapter 2 (with certain edits). Would appreciate any thoughts.

Speak soon.

Cheers, Kane

[DazWizzle]

Hey Kane,

Not a lot from me. The improvements to chapter 2 were good. I believe they improved on what you had last time.
Chapter 1 was really good. I very much enjoyed Enthrisis and his way of communicating. That was done so well. Overall I think this is a fantastic start.
I only found one place where I believe it could be a typo.
You have:
‘Because of what we overhead? They’re not going to evacuate the temple.’

I believe the word could have been overheard.

Other then that I really dont have anything for you. This is really polished and enjoyable.

[KaneW]

Thanks, Darren!
Phew, glad chapter 1 works.
Yes, wanted to highlight the relationship between Antarna and Enthrisis and had fun writing that.
Certainly is a typo - great pickup.
Thanks again. And see you in a mth

[BeeMore]

Hi Kane,
I'm new to the group, but wanted to start contributing before the April meeting. It sounds as though others have already offered good structural feedback, and my comments are quite minor but hopefully still helpful.
Overall, I enjoyed reading your Ch 1-2 - your worldbuilding, characterisation, dialogue and sequencing of action is deft and flows nicely. There are some really nice bits of writing in there too. As a reader, I have lots of questions about the world, characters and their history and what might happen next, which makes me want to read more. Looking forward to the next installment,
Bron

Kane-PERILS OF THE PAST Bron comments.docx