PERILS OF THE PAST - Cal's opening ch's

[KaneW]

Hi all,

Thanks for your feedback on the first POV character's opening chapters. I've attached the opening chapters of my second (of three) POV characters: Cal.

Chat soon.

Cheers, Kane

[DazWizzle]

Hi Kane,

This was quite brutal. I love the concept of the PM with servants who cant talk. The mystery of the egg and how the seers are handled, especially with the hot iron is an interesting one.

[Raymond]

Hi Kane,

Great stuff. I was held from start to finish. Loved the real world consequences in an almost dream like fantasy setting. Having Cal's thoughts and feelings presented clearly gave it great momentum.

Regards


Ray

[BeeMore]

Hi Kane,
As promised, some comments that I hadn't had time to post before the meeting yesterday.
- Your story so far is polished, artful and, while densely packed with all kinds of detail about your world and its characters, also effortless to read, a pleasure.
- I don't like your working title - it would not entice me to pick your book off the shelf. But this is a minor detail at present, and others may feel differently.
- The 'armless' - I was wondering if they lacked upper limbs or weapons - but you revealed more about them in Cal's segment.
- I mentioned the seers' dilemma about being blinded and the PM's motivations in our discussion. If there is another seer waiting in the wings to serve the PM, it makes perfect sense that Cal might fear for his own sight, and even more so if that other seer is someone he cares about.
- The fact that the PM removed his servants' tongues but not his guards' tongues implies brutality to instil fear. If the servants are literate they would still be able to communicate, but this is a detail about the world we haven't learnt yet. We know there are scrolls and so people do read, but how many people can read is the question. I suspect future chapters will clear up this query.
- I am wondering whose finger webbing Cal was sent... a horrible threat.
- Cal would be feeling guilt for his role in Brayan's blinding, especially if they are close, but currently he is simply caught up in frantic activity to avoid his own blinding. Perhaps that reflection comes later, along with more about his betrothed?
- Some lovely descriptions that use elements of the imagined world in metaphor/simile.
- Dialogue is tight and effective.
Looking forward to reading more!
Thanks for the The Prestige and Blacktongue Thief recommendations BTW, I've put them on my list.
Bron

[KaneW]

Hi Bron,

Thanks so much - great comments, very useful.

I've been thinking and thinking about the working title. I'm very open to changing it, but struggling. What are some of your favourite SFF book titles?
I'm wondering if I can make it more poetic (like the title of the novel, "To Sleep in a Sea of Stars") or gripping (like the title of the novel, "The Forest of Hands and Teeth").

Catch you at the next meeting?

Cheers, Kane

[BeeMore]

Kane, I like both of those titles - and have the Paolini book on my Kindle waiting to be read!
I recently changed the title of my novel (which I finished the first draft of today, hooray) - but I needed to get through most of the writing to see what might work.
Perhaps wait for now - Perils will do in the meantime!
Bron

[KaneW]

You finished the first draft! Congrat's - huge milestone.
I'll do some more thinking, but yes, it'll do for the minute.
Cheers, Kane