Tupla 3

[BeeMore]

Hello all,
I've attached the next bit of Tupla. It is long - apologies - but I figured you'd probably prefer to read to the end of the chapter rather than get a shorter section with a jarring break. Any and all comments welcome. I am really struggling with the second round of editing and your help is greatly appreciated.
Cheers,
Bron

[KaneW]

Hi Bron,

Nice work. Some great development, interesting concepts and some killer lines.

At a very high level, I wonder if the dialogue is a little heavy - and could either be a bit shorter, or more descriptions/action added in to balance it. But, then again, it's probably just my personal taste as a reader coming through there.

I've added comments - as attached.

Looking forward to chatting.

Cheers, Kane

[DazWizzle]

Hi Bron,

Getting interesting. My only real critique was once you bought technology into Pisboys story. I felt it was something a lot older up until now.

[RKaplan]

Hi Bron,
Apologies for the late submission, time just got away from me.
You have created some very well thought out and interesting characters (and a crazy world in the second story).
In the first story, while you have a very interesting set of characters with some great dialogue, some scenes need to be more focused on moving the plot forward, or creating more action.
The second story was very interesting and I’m excited to see where it goes.

Best,
Rafe

[BeeMore]

Thanks all for comments today, it was very helpful!
Bron